The Aluminum Asylum

The Aluminum Asylum
Our home on wheels

Saturday, July 08, 2006

This is a letter fat Pepe asked me to post to you all...dee

Dear Everyone...

Well, last night was the last straw with that old man who owns me. Do you want to know how he treats me, a poor defenseless little Taco dog? He bribes me to go walking with him. He promises me some left over steak. Then, after walking what seemed to be miles and miles we come to this huge freakin' staircase. The old man picks me up and carries me down all these stairs. I hear this terrible roaring sound in my ears. Gosh, what could it be? OH! OH! OH! IT'S WATER...LOTS AND LOTS OF ROARING WATER! In all my 8 years I have never seen such a huge thing of water! Its making a roaring sound. OH GOD! HE'S WALKING UP TO THE EDGE AND ...OH NO! THE SOB THROWS ME IN! Water fills my little mouth, my little ears and oh my god I can't feel my feet! I keep pumping my legs but there's nothing my feet can make contact with. Then, all of a sudden, the old man yanks my leash and under the water again I go! He's dragging me!!! OH, I am gonna drown, I just know it. After an eternity, he stops dragging me. Finally, I can feel mushy sand under my toes and I open my eyes. I can see the old man laughing. Laugh you SOB. Go ahead and laugh.

I finally get out of the water and this darn sand is so soft I am sinking! I gotta get away, I gotta get away! I see the stairs. I strain at the leash and try to get thru this gosh-awful sand that is in my eyes and in my nose. I start to sneeze. He laughs again. I get to the stairs. Oh, if only I could pull hard enough on my leash to make the old man fall on his ass. I finally get up the first few stairs. I can hear the old man laughing. Grrrr. I keep going even though I feel my heart beating so hard it's gonna jump outta my chest. Finally, at the top of the landing I see the other two humans...the big man with the funny beard and the beautiful blond woman that I love to kiss and sit on her lap. I am saved. The beautiful blond woman will save me, YES! She picks me up and wraps me in a nice cozy blanket and holds me in her lap. I am so scared and cold I cannot stop shaking. The old man is telling them about throwing me in the water. The big man with the funny beard laughs too. Ass. My heroine hugs me closely and says she won't let the old man do that again. Oh, what a terrible night this has been.

I am looking for a new human to take care of me. The old man is always teasing me and holding me like a baby. I just HATE that. Maybe the beautiful blond woman will let me live on her side of the house. Well, I can always HOPE. I know the beautiful blond woman will be having surgery soon....maybe the old man will let me stay with her and sit on her lap all day to keep her company..Now, if only I can get rid of that damm cat, my life would be complete. She just irks the crap outta me...jumping up and down like some kind of..of...of feline! She horns in everytime my beautiful blond sits down to pet me. I hate her, I really do. Plus, it just isn't right that she can lift her legs way over her head to lick herself. I tell you, its just not right! Stuck up thing. And she never shuts up...when I bark I get yelled at...she caterwauls and nobody says a stinking word to HER...oh no, not the freakin' princess of the manor. That goof with the beard just dotes on her..its sickening. *Sigh*. Its hard being a fat little dog who can't do much of anything. Well, maybe I can write again soon. I have lots of stuff to tell you all...

the mistreated poor little doggie

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so hilarious. You made me laugh outloud. Thanks...I needed that.