The Aluminum Asylum

The Aluminum Asylum
Our home on wheels

Monday, February 05, 2007

Monday...the morning after the supertoilet bowl.

Oh my gawd. How embarassing. After the first 10 minutes I gave up and went to read a book. I am a jinx. I know this now. I swear off sports....again. No more Cubbies, no more Bears, no more Bulls, no more Fighting Illini, the Blackhawks have been out of my life since they changed from 6 teams to 6000 teams. I have embraced my late father's attitude..."who the **ck cares...I don't win any money, so why bother..." Zack was all bummed out too. Poor kid, thought he'd get to see what he missed when he was three months old...DA BEARS. Not that bunch of losers who couldn't tackle an old lady with a walker if she whupped 'em up side their dreadlocked heads. I am through I tell ya, I'm through!

OK now that's off my chest, what else happened yesterday? Oh, yeah, we have pretty much gotten grandpa settled in. I haven't been into his bedroom or bathroom, so I can't comment on any of that. He has more hemmorid cream than the staff of AARP. Plus stuff he hasn't used in thirty years. He said that he was gonna "clean house". OK, whatever. He has wash cloths older than Paul. Old Spice in a bottle that would prolly fetch thousands on ebay. Geesh.

He pretty much let me set up the kitchen. First thing I did was get rid of as much sunflower crap as possible. There are freakin' sunflowers everywhere...OMG...I feel like Dorothy in the poppy field. Only they don't make me sleepy they make my stomach TURN. No themed decor in my life I like to say. And I hate all the crap on the counters. Even the stupid canisters are sunflowers. Jeez, what was the problem here? They left tons of stuff...65 mugs, sunflower (what else) dishes, some as seen on TV appliances (we know all about them don't we?) and lots of old silverware. Sunflower towels, glasses, soup tureens and even a freakin' DANCING sunflower that changes colors! I am NOT making this up.

OK, that's the kitchen dilema. Now we move into the family room. Lions...tigers and more lions and tigers. Grandpa loves the decor. It makes my stomach twist in knots when I walk in. Furniture is fine. Every single knick knack including the freakin' giraffe and elephants are here. Right on top of the TV is a "majestic" lion in his prime looking at me when I sit down. Creepy and so stupidly fake. There are leapard prints, tiger prints and more tiger prints on the walls. And I saved the best for is a baby tiger rolling in a field of freakin' sunflowers! All I need is a bear rug and some tusks forming an archway and pretty soon the Polish Prince will start to look like Clark Gable. Oh, did I forget the TREES? I thought they were taking all their knicky knacky stuff. Great. Well, I won't be here forever so I can go sit in my motorhome to get some rest for my eyes. I can't stop my head from revolving around each room as I enter it.

The living room is so-so. There is a real motorhome couch in there, so you can imagine that it doesn't have bottom sides. There are two older recliners of mismatched colors and some sort of antique looking arm chair with a step stool in front of it. There is a LILAC tree in the corner. Dear god. Someone save me. There is however a beautiful handmade Pakistani rug in there. Muted colors and the artisian wove his name into it. OK the rug can stay. Well, before I belittle any more, I must admit I have to go thru all my accumulated stuff when we get back home. That should be an eye opener in itself.

Well, I have to go get the rest of my clothes outta the motorhome. *Sigh*.

We are invited to Uncle Ben's for "real pasta, not that crap outta a jar". Should be interesting. Everyone will be drunk on the wine before we even sit down.